The Cause of the End of the World

by Andy Lincowski

Teachers always assign many hours of homework. Why do they do this?

Great thinkers of this time believe it's because of arrogance. The teacher believes that their class is the only class. All other classes are like a dirt path. It is merely walked on to get from point A to point B. The teacher believes that their class is special. It is a mountain hiking trail, meant to be examined and charted thoroughly. Every piece of dirt is to be analyzed and related to the world, as are the plants, animals and bugs. The teacher assigns the homework exploring these millions of aspects of the class' topic. Before assigning this work, however, the teacher explains a very simple aspect of this grain. Then the teacher assigns a relatively large workload, which the student must spend a great deal of time deciphering first what to do, how to do it, then actually do it. The student then stays up all night doing homework for the teacher, believing the student will get great insight from the homework.

The student wakes up the next morning at 7 a.m., on his desk, head on his partly completed homework. Without realizing it, he had dozed off while contemplating how to do the homework. The student glances groggily at the time, and jumps up quickly. His blood rushes from his head, and he faints. Two minutes later, he discovers himself on the ground with a headache. He gets up slower this time, and hurriedly gets ready for school. He gets to school thirty minutes late.

Once the student finally gets to the class he had his homework in, the teacher gets angered from the students not doing their homework. While lecturing the students, they fall asleep in class, as they got no sleep the previous night. The students finally realize the class is pointless, and walk out. The teacher cries, and the students laugh and get a good night's sleep. The students perform well in all the other classes that didn't assign enough homework to sink an aircraft carrier.

The teacher who assigned mountains of homework, exploring miniscule, unimportant aspects of the subject, was not thinking that the student may be taking other high-profile classes, which also assign much work. The several hours for each class add up, to the point where there is simply not enough time in the day to do it.

From all the stress, by the time the student gets to college, he looks twenty years older than he actually is, is balding, and has gray hair. The teacher who assigned the carrier full of homework does not realize that there are other teachers in the school, and just believes the student cannot handle homework, and dismisses the poor performance as a slacker student.

The students walk around like zombies at the school, motivated only by the will to live. The schools start to breed zombies. As the current people running the country grow old and retire, the zombies are all that's left to run the country. The zombies (now the greatest part of the population) vote other zombies into office. The United States turns into a country ruled by zombies. The economy falters, the military degrades, the zombies are incapable of running a country. China seizes the moment, and China's billions of people conquer America. Socialist China overtakes the world with legions of troops numbering more than some countries' populations. China imposes its Socialist system onto the world. Socialism becomes a "utopia," a perfect system ... the only way it can. People have nothing to work for, nothing to strive for. Efficiency drops, and like the zombies the Americans were, so the whole world becomes zombies, working day in and day out, doing the same thing, for all of life. God decides that He just invented a living computer, and shuts it down.

I'm a good student, I take classes that challenge me. Unfortunately, teachers seem to think "harder" means "more work." I had loaded up on the advanced placement and honors classes, hoping for a challenge. But no, some of these teachers like to assign a ton of homework. Two hours of Calculus, one to two for English, another for U.S. History, some random things from other classes. One depressing day I had to write a two-page memoir, do a section of calculus, read a bunch of pages from U.S. History, and do a problem set in Physics.

I had no time for anything but homework. Well, now, I'm not a complete idiot, of course I put it off. What's the point in living if I can't feel alive? I can't come home from eight hours of school and do another six or eight of homework. No, I had some fun for a couple hours, then had dinner, then I did my homework. There starts the staying up until midnight working on homework.

Calculus is a truly hard class. We got into a vicious cycle: the first section after a test, the teacher could explain examples from the section. He made it look so simple, too. That was the truth, the examples he did were fundamental and simple. The challenge was to figure out the harder ones that appeared in the homework. I love figuring these out, but why are there only 24 hours in a day? It baffles me, on those cool, hard problems it takes a long time to figure out, and the problem set would be something like one to forty-five, odd. I can't spend time figuring those out; I have to read half a chapter of history, write a two-page memoir (albeit double-spaced), do laundry, eat dinner, and sleep is a good idea, too. But of course, sleep is last on the list. So starts the first stage: homework overload.

Next is sleep deprivation. After a week of doing homework until midnight every night (and only getting to sleep in on Wednesdays), it starts to kick in. I saw a comic in one Sunday newspaper, Zits. It had the main character (a high school student) looking groggy before class. He pulled off his head, opened it up, pulled the start cord like a lawnmower, it started to rumble and run, then he stuck his head back on. His friend commented, "Dude, you should get more sleep." Well, that's what it feels like; I'm there, but only sort of. When teachers receive blank stares from me during class, that's the condition: sleep deprivation. End phase two: zombie status reached.

Stage three: lack of care. The need for sleep becomes so necessary sometimes, I'll set down my pen and say "Screw this, my health is paramount to homework" and go to bed. The gaps at school during the day became homework sessions: seven a.m. to when school starts, after I finish eating lunch but before class starts, and free period. Two hours of sleep are saved, if excess school time is used effectively. Equilibrium was reached.

Teachers' anger starts up, and students' grades start falling, as equilibrium is reached, but still not enough time. Though I still managed to get homework done (usually), in class I often don't feel like doing anything besides putting my head down, and recharging the batteries. Will power is a strong force though, perhaps the strongest single force on earth. This is the last phase I've reached. Breaking into the next is not a good thing to do ... that would lead to China taking over, and that's not pleasant. Will power: the will to live keeps us going. Where would the world be without will power? Extinct, probably. Homework is the degradation of society, and wears down will power. Therefore, homework should be abolished, otherwise I might go mad. Just imagine a world of zombies ...

Copyright © Andy Lincowski 2003